>Here I am

>I have a friend, well I do have more than one (!) but this post refers to one particular friend, she is upset with me for having said something which she didn’t like. Quite what that is I don’t know, it wasn’t something intentionally hurtful or criticising but in some way my words have been taken as such. It has made me evaluate myself in a whole new light.

I think I am a nice person, quite judgemental and snobby inside, but on the outside I always try to be nice and friendly to people. However I am noticing more and more in recent years just how direct I am.

I cannot lie, I don’t know why but I just cannot manage to say untruthful words without grinning or mumbling so if I get a direct question then I give a direct answer. Ok I am not stupid, if someone says “do I look fat in this” I would manage to lie (if they did) but this is my sense of kindness which prevails over truthfulness in minefield situations.

For everything else I am very honest and have a horrid habit of speaking before thinking or saying things in my own direct way. Luckily most of my friends, family and husband understand this trait in me and either laugh or say something equally direct back but this one friend does not seem to get me, and as a result our friendship seems lost. I find it very sad  as at one point we were very close (she was the first friend I told when I was pregnant with the Boy). I wonder if it is my fault but on the other hand I don’t know what else I could do. I cannot change my ways as this is me and I honestly don’t think I could dampen or hide my personality to account for this friendship. Is she in the wrong for not accepting me or equally can she not change her reactions to me.

I think, after a long long time of believing otherwise, that I like myself and who I am so this has really shaken me but I also think I am confident enough in myself to know that I can’t do anything about this situation and have to let things fix themselves rather than force the issue.

What do you think, have you had friendships that didn’t work, this is a first for me.

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4 Responses

  1. >It's a hard one. Friendships evolve, sometimes they get stronger and sometimes they fizzle out and you grow apart, for many different reasons. This has been my experience anyway. I hope you can both put this behind you if it is a friendship you treasure.

  2. >Oh….OK I have two sayings for you:1) A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself.2)A true friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are half-cracked.If she really is a true friend she'll sort it out in her head, move on and come back to you….if she doesn't then don't beat yourself up about it!Virtual cyber-hug from your Twitter friend!

  3. >Mummy Bean – I hope so too, I guess we will see, I think if it is really one to treasure it will last. At the moment it feels like too much hard work and I don't think friendships should feel that way. Fast and Luce – I am definitely half cracked so will have to appreciate my friends who still have me!!

  4. >I've become much more sanguine about relationships over the last few years and accept that there are some that are just not worth all the work – a true friend will be there no matter what and put aside any things like thisIts hard but sometimes its just healthier to say enough is enough

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