Reliving the newborn stage

Today I am 36 weeks and 5 days pregnant, therefore avoiding any unforeseen scenarios involving stubborn foetuses unwilling to vacate the premises, within 6 weeks there will be a new person in our lives and living with us in the outside world.

This prospect both excites and petrifies me. I have already made and bought into the world one child and my memory is good enough to remember what this was like. The birth was, to put it mildly, the most agonising and intense pain I could have ever imagined (the Boy was back to back and I was assured this is why I was such a wimp) but the intense pain only lasted for 6 hours overall and in the grand scheme of things, doing this again doesn’t frighten me too much.

What does concern me is a newborn baby. I think I’m a really positive person who tries to take the best from life but my whole opinion of myself was rocked when the Boy was a baby. It was the hardest time in my life. In hindsight I was so totally unprepared for the physical and mental impact on our lives as I had focussed far too much of my worries on actually giving birth. Suddenly thrust into our lives was a little being who didn’t do anything I wanted him to or expected him to. It made me realise how much of a control freak I am and how my life relies on routine.

I spent the first six weeks questioning myself and beating myself up about my failure as a mother. At one point I wondered if I was never meant to be a mother and was petrified that I had made a wrong decision in going ahead with an unplanned pregnancy. I remember spending one part of every day crying; from frustration or exhaustion or anger or fear, I just could not cope with the influx of emotions and new challenges life was throwing at me. I couldn’t see an end in sight and was scared of the future. I remember asking all the mothers I knew, which wasn’t many, “when does it get easier” and hearing anything from three to six months as an answer which felt like a lifetime away. I was (and am) so lucky to have an amazingly supportive and thoughtful husband who for example, would come home after a long day at work and make me amazing healthy dinners to boost my energy because he knows that when I am stressed I don’t eat and I honestly don’t know where I would have been without him.

For me, things got better around the 8 week mark. Mainly thanks to discovering Gina Ford and using her routines (maybe too religiously) and he was going to bed at 7pm until a feed at 10.30pm. Although he was a generally good sleeper he didn’t actually sleep through the night consistently until he was 7 months and he has always been a nightmare to get to nap, just having this evening period gave me some much needed alone and downtime to recharge my batteries. Things got better every day thereafter, although we still had “bad” days, until one day I realised that I could do this and I wanted to do it and it made me happy. I don’t remember exactly when I fell completely and utterly in love with the Boy but one day I knew I couldn’t live without him (and I could live without some sleep!)

I have no idea what its going to be like this time round. I hope it will be easier as I know what is coming but I am not convinced that will make the experience much easier. I would love to enjoy it more and not be so worried that it will never end but a post birth mental state is not always the most rational!

So although I am feeling huge and I am really looking forward to meeting our new addition, I’m in absolutely no rush to get Poppy out just yet and am enjoying our relatively simple life for now.

12 Responses

  1. gotta love Gina!

    you will be fine lovely,

    enjoy your last few weeks


    jane x

    • She is my heroine and saviour – doesn’t work for all but for me it was a god send!

      • *ahem* what about your lovely, talented, beautiful, witty friend who coached you through Gina eh??!!!! Am I not your heroine 😉

        BTW, you will so be fine, it is much easier 2nd and 3rd time around!! That is a promise… excited!


  2. one to two was my hardest jump and i have 5! You will be great tho, go easy with yourself, lower your expectations and allow people and the TV to help you out now and then 🙂 My second daughter is Poppy. beautiful name 🙂

  3. The first few months with my first baby were so hard, I really struggled and didn’t know how I would cope with another. The first few months with my second have been so much easier, it has been so different. You already have a routine in place, you know what you are doing, and the new baby will just slot in.
    Wishing you all the best!

  4. I think you’ll find it a lot easier, more relaxed and highly enjoyable! I was very strict with my son, following all the routines, bottle-feeding etc. Now I am co-sleeping, breastfeeding my daughter whenever and wherever she wants, I wear her in the sling and the carrier, you name it- I do it all and OH, GOD, HOWI ENJOY IT ALL! Because of that everyone in the family is very relaxed and happy too!

  5. Having your second baby is much easier than the first as you are use to the routines already and that frightening sense of responsibility with your first isn’t so shocking with your second. I found and some of my friends have also said the same thing, but also if you are more relaxed the second time round then your baby will be too!! Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy
    Love sarah

  6. I found it really hard the first time as well, but second time the actual baby stuff was much easier and I felt more in control of things (though learning to juggle more than one child took a bit of getting used too!).

    I’m 2 weeks into No 3 now and finding it easier again as I feel more confident, even though my third baby is turning out to be an all night feeder – arrgh!

    Good luck, it will be wonderful I’m sure!

  7. […] Reliving the newborn stage […]

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