>I’m so excited and I just can’t hide it

>I would like to continue the words to the Crunchie advert here but I have completely gone off chocolate since finding out I am PREGNANT. Yay yay yay. If you remember one of my first blog posts was about having a miscarriage on Christmas Day 2010 so you can imagine how over the moon I was this morning at our 12 week scan to see a beautiful, if slightly alien looking, baby with a really real live heartbeat.

I am due on the 4th of November as I know when I conceived (I was charting, which is a whole other post) but the hospital keep dating me at the 2nd because of my period dates, which is quite funny as that is the day DS was due 3 years ago. The Man is already taking about “birthday party economies of scale”. My nuchal scan risk is 1 in 8092, not quite as low as the Boy’s (1 in 24,515) but I still wouldn’t bet on that horse!

I already have quite a bump thanks to the Boy who all but ruined my stomach muscles but more than makes up for it in cuddles and kisses. The Boy is quite excited about Poppy, so named because it was the size of a poppy seed when I found out I was pregnant (the Boy was called Peanut), and tells us he wants a brother called Sister or a sister called Brother. I am not entirely sure he gets the concept as he told me the other day that he has a Poppy in his belly button. I assured him that his was merely from eating so much ice cream!

So now my blog becomes a parenting and a pregnancy one. I am very excited to be able to use this medium to keep updated on my pregnancy. Coming up next, Bump Watch!

>Recovering from miscarriage

>As I said on my original post I was, for lack of a better word, absolutely gutted to have a miscarriage on Christmas Day. Its been 3 weeks now and some days I feel like I have come to terms with it and then others it sucker punches me all over again. This morning I received my booking in and scan appointment from the hospital which really hit home what could have been. Ahead of me are a number of key milestones and although I only knew I was pregnant for two weeks the due date (20 August) will be forever etched on my mind.

I will also be cautious from now on not to throw the “are you planning number two” question on anyone as its been a really tough one to answer (why is that a standard question, a follow up to “when are you… getting engaged, getting married, having a baby” delete as appropriate) and bless my poor best friend who asked that very question five days after the miscarriage and looked mortified when I told her.

As someone who is actively trying to have a baby there seems to be a sudden influx of newborn babies and pregnant women wherever I go (obviously I am just noticing them more) and whilst I am really sad about what happened to me I still smile when I see them. I thought it would upset me to see them and yes there is a touch of the green eyed monster, but overall I take hope that other people can have babies, so that’s a good thing!

The Eastenders cot death / baby snatching storyline has been the focus of a lot of media attention recently and whilst I thought I didn’t understand the uproar, having not experienced cot death, I am beginning to understand why so many parents have been insulted by the picture they have painted. Indeed, I don’t want anyone else’s bump, I want my very own one.

And so it is with that in mind that the man and I sneak upstairs to introduce Mr Swimmers to Mrs Egg, and if there is one positive I can take from the whole experience, it is the restarting of the baby making!

>New to blogging

>Righty-ho, a friend of mine has instructed me that Blogging is the “thing to do”. It also seems like a good time to start something new as I am disconcerted with life at the moment and need a change.

I am a mum to a two year old delightful but monsterous boy and work 3.5 days a week in London for a bank. Needless to say this combination is tiring, rewarding, challenging, frustrating and a whole host of other feelings that leave me reeling every day. To work or not to work, that is the question. Of course the bills and mortgage account have one answer but I prefer the other. Don’t get me wrong, I like my job (barring the frustrating side-lining as a “part-timer” since returning from maternity leave) but its so darn hard sometimes to juggle the demands of a job whilst paying an extortionate fee to a (lovely) childminder to have lots of fun with MY son.

We would also love to have baby number two and it was a particularly hard holiday season for us in December as I had an early miscarriage on Christmas Day leaving us reeling with sadness and shock rather than sharing our exciting news with the family as planned. My gorgeous boys (husband and son) made the day a success, one with his support and the other with his demands of “open mummy, open” and “happy kisstmas everybody”. Although the priority was having another baby to complete our family, I was relieved with the fact I could have another period of maternity leave to reassess my options and remove the stresses of working for a while so with that not in sight anymore the thinking cap is back on.

I think that is enough for an opening post, if you have read, thank you!