>Here I am

>I have a friend, well I do have more than one (!) but this post refers to one particular friend, she is upset with me for having said something which she didn’t like. Quite what that is I don’t know, it wasn’t something intentionally hurtful or criticising but in some way my words have been taken as such. It has made me evaluate myself in a whole new light.

I think I am a nice person, quite judgemental and snobby inside, but on the outside I always try to be nice and friendly to people. However I am noticing more and more in recent years just how direct I am.

I cannot lie, I don’t know why but I just cannot manage to say untruthful words without grinning or mumbling so if I get a direct question then I give a direct answer. Ok I am not stupid, if someone says “do I look fat in this” I would manage to lie (if they did) but this is my sense of kindness which prevails over truthfulness in minefield situations.

For everything else I am very honest and have a horrid habit of speaking before thinking or saying things in my own direct way. Luckily most of my friends, family and husband understand this trait in me and either laugh or say something equally direct back but this one friend does not seem to get me, and as a result our friendship seems lost. I find it very sad  as at one point we were very close (she was the first friend I told when I was pregnant with the Boy). I wonder if it is my fault but on the other hand I don’t know what else I could do. I cannot change my ways as this is me and I honestly don’t think I could dampen or hide my personality to account for this friendship. Is she in the wrong for not accepting me or equally can she not change her reactions to me.

I think, after a long long time of believing otherwise, that I like myself and who I am so this has really shaken me but I also think I am confident enough in myself to know that I can’t do anything about this situation and have to let things fix themselves rather than force the issue.

What do you think, have you had friendships that didn’t work, this is a first for me.

>Why Mummy?

>The Boy: my pride and joy, my angel, the one who can only do wrong until he flashes me a smile, has discovered a new word. “Why” has suddenly entered his vocabulary and I am absolutely loving this, I was actually waiting for my opportunity to have a real conversation with him and to impart upon him all of my worldly knowledge. Unfortunately my knowledge is not quite as far reaching as I had hoped and, as I don’t own an internet phone, Wikipedia is not on hand 24/7 and he will not wait for “Mummy needs to Google that”. 

I feel like such a failure when I don’t know the answer, is it just me? I never really cared before if I didn’t know something as I could always look it up and learn but when my Boy asks me something I feel like I must know the answer or I’m failing him. I want him to know all the things I don’t, I guess that’s just another way we live vicariously through our children!

So far, I answer all his questions truthfully and to the extent my knowledge stretches that far but because his persistence far outweighs mine, the conversations inevitably end in “because”. I am off to buy a complete encyclopaedia now! 

>Where do they get this stuff from?

>The Boy is the most stubborn thing that has ever existed, fact. Being a combination of Mr and Mrs Never Ending Arguments is obviously the cause of this but despite our stubbornness and the fact that we beat him by headcount, we cannot beat him (in a victorious or violent way!)

Four hours he screamed for, one night, FOUR HOURS. How on earth was that possible? Now we have to play it his way. So tonight, after going up and downstairs like a human yo-yo with bribery of Chuggington and Chocolate offered on a plate, I finally had permission to go downstairs on instruction to “get phone” and within minutes he was sleeping like an angel.

So I ask, where on earth do they get it from?